Immense Restraint

So, remember how I said I'd have to write about the nanny diaries later? Well, here it is. And I'll go ahead and say it up front, this might be a longer story than usual.

I was so excited to get a job back in the beginning of August and get back into the work force. We interviewed nannies fairly quickly, like 2 days, and chose who we thought was best. Everything seemed fine at first, the kids seemed happy and we felt good about our choice. Then the weirdness began. We found cigarette butts on our back patio one weekend and since we had requested a non-smoking nanny, we were confused. Well, I immediately suspected it was her but I didn't have any proof so I texted her and asked if she smokes outright. Maybe that wasn't the best Nancy Drewing I've ever done but so anyways, she said No. Alrighty, so we decided to play along for now and if it wasn't her, then there was some creepy peeping tom smoker coming up to our house un-noticed and dumb enough to put the butts out on our patio. That seemed unlikely, right? So we basically forgot about it in the bustle of life, but then a couple weeks later I got a text from the nanny while I was at work saying that she had found 2 more cigarette butts outside. So then I freaked out because maybe there really WAS some weirdo lurking around our house with the kids there. It couldn't be the nanny or else why would she tell me that? So I call my husband and start planning how big a padlock we need on the gate, how much are video cameras for outside, what if there's some freak seriously coming on to our patio smoking?

Then a couple Mondays ago, I came home and of course had to pee immediately after walking in the house because I have birthed two children, and I see a cigarette butt in the toilet. See, our toilet hasn't been flushing well recently and the shower started clogging up too, maybe because someone has been flushing cigarettes down the toilet for two months. So I didn't know what to say in the moment but of course I knew she had lied to us. I kept quiet for a little while...wondering how to approach this delicate situation, because I don't want to jeopardize the care of the children so I can't really fire her right that minute. And I need to think and discuss with my husband so I say, "So, did you find anymore cigarettes out back?" And she stumbled over her answer but she said oh yeah, I found one today, blah blah. In my head now I f---ing hate this kid and would punch her in the face if I didn't have the kids there and a husband to answer to. But I didn't. I said ok, see you tomorrow.

Well, my husband agreed this was way too super weird and she not only lied to us, but tried to make us think there was some creepy lurker coming on to our property and endangering the kids. And she has probably destroyed the plumbing as well.

There's other stuff too like she got engaged, then 3 weeks later the boyfriend dumped her, and they live together so now she has to find a new place to live, etc. Every week has been some weird drama. "My wallet got stolen, my car key broke, my dad went to the hospital." And then she'd also ask me almost every day what time I was coming home. Seriously, I mean, what are you doing that it matters when I'm coming home? You're bugging me. And are you so eager to leave that you're not taking good care of the kids? Omg I hate her.

Even if all this stuff is true, the concern is how can you focus on taking care of the kids if your life is always in shambles. And at this point I didn't trust anything she said anymore. I started interviewing new nannies as I questioned the trade-off of being a working mom. Once again asking that haunting question...is it worth it? Because no matter who we hire, no one will be quite good enough. Can I deal with that?

So, let me just say how bad an actress I am. And I'm trying incredibly hard not to go psycho on this kid everyday with a fake face each morning and afternoon. Then Friday rolls around and my mother in law said she's driving through and will drop by un-announced to check on the kids and nanny. So one more thing I forgot to mention, last week the nanny got sick and now both my kids have gotten a cold. Thanks bitch. But so anyways, Friday morning I specifically tell her NOT to take the kids anywhere because they are sick, especially Peewee because she is not even 4 months old yet. I even went so far as to explain WHY you don't take a sick 4 month old tromping around town in case she needed clarification. Then around 1:30pm I get that dreaded phone call from my mother in law saying she was there and no one was home and the nanny's car was gone.

Are you f---ing kidding me?? Really? I was livid. My eyes hurt I was so mad. My voice was shaking as I told my husband to handle this and find the children instead of me so as not to kill anyone and avoid jail. (Deep breath.)

The kids are fine and I texted her yesterday and said I lost my job so we don't need her anymore. I lied because my husband told me to...in order to avoid drama. If I had my way I'd have already ripped this kid a new one and made her cry 18 times, and hopefully taught her a lesson so some other family didn't go through this BS. But I guess it's not my job to teach a 23 year old how to be honest, right? I haven't slept for days. I've interviewed nannies and checked references non-stop for 3 days now. Good news is I found a new nanny. She starts tomorrow. And through this process I did not yell at anyone, I didn't damage anyone's personal property, and I didn't set a bad example for my kids. I told my husband he should be proud of me because I showed Immense Restraint.