Emotional Instability Syndrome

I believe the expulsion of two human beings out of my 120 pound body, which is no longer 120 lbs, has caused me to develop Emotional Instability Syndrome. For short we'll call it NUTS. Sunday started out as a nice normal day. Then, while I was trying to watch one of our favorite TV shows, True Blood, that is way too violent and profane for us to watch while any child is awake, the housekeeper called 3 times. So I thought ok, I guess I should see what her deal is so I answered. I'm not sure if it was the fact that she talked too much in a Peruvian accent that I can't understand, or that she's over-charging me for a mediocre job, or that the baby in my arms starting crying, but I lost it and fired her and hung up on her.Oky doky.

Then yesterday I'm at work and the nanny calls me. My heart rate immediately spikes and I answer my phone. Turns out that she put the dog out in our fenced in patio, as I instructed, so she could drive the kids to the park and he was barking like usual and so our neighbor comes over and tells her not to leave the dog outside because it's animal cruelty. And no, she's not a member of PETA. So, number one, in my mind it's not animal cruelty to leave a dog outside with a bowl of water in 75 degree weather. So I tell the nanny to leave the dog outside anyways and I'll call the neighbor.

Just so you know, the neighbor happens to be a sweet little 70 year old Indian woman, Curry not Casino like me and also happens to be from the same town as my mother. Huge coincidence. She's a few years older than my mom but it's seriously like having my mom next door. She's been wonderful to us, is now friends with my mom, and babysits when ever we need an hour to go run an errand. Anyways, I call her and politely explain that I told the nanny to put the dog outside when she leaves the house so he doesn't pee on the carpet where the kids play. I also asked if it was really just that the barking was disturbing. Well, she didn't respond exactly how I imagined. She adamantly said it was animal cruelty and that we can't leave the dog outside and he barks. Great. Thanks. Allrighty then so, I said ok I'll call the nanny to go lock the dog in the 4' x 4' laundry room since that is less cruel. Fine.

I haven't disclosed this before but our dog is a biter. A little 12 lb Napoleon biting dog. He has bitten Bubu, my mother en-law, and last week, the nanny. So picking up the dog and putting him in the laundry room isn't as easy as it sounds. And I'm still paying for the ER bill for Bubu's bite. We've discussed getting rid of him but we never went through with it. Until now.

My NUTS kicked in and I called the neighbor back to let her know the dog was now barking inside and that I was going to put him to sleep tomorrow. I'll just say I was maybe a little rude and disrespectful. Okay I yelled at her. After she hung up me, I called my mother and yelled at her to call the neighbor and apologize for me yelling at her. Yes, I was in a full blown downward spiral. I called the SPCA and they said to bring the dog in. I rushed out on my lunch break, picked up the dog and drove him to the SPCA to get rid of the root cause of my stress. After filling out a 12 page form, they said they can't put him up for adoption because he's a biter and that they just put him to sleep in a few days. I started crying in their office and took the dog back home. I don't know if I was sad about killing the dog or that I had no solution to my problem.

I'm currently dealing with my life better today but I've had 2 glasses of sauvignon blanc so we'll see how tomorrow goes. I'm searching for a no-kill shelter in northern CA that will accept my dog that bites. My husband doesn't want to get rid of the dog. And my NUTS are killing me.

The Anniversary Edition

So, today is my 2nd wedding anniversary. I am embarrassed to say that a phone call from my mother en law at 7:30 this morning reminded me of our joyous occasion. At the time, I was trying to trick Bubu into trading me his pacifier for a bowl of Kix and Peewee was naked on her changing table. Let me just preface this posting by saying how much I love my husband. More than I could ever put into words. I knew the date was coming up, but I guess with the new job, juggling training the nanny, firing the housekeeper, paying the bills, being a mom...it slipped my mind. Don't worry, I got a card on the way home from work tonight and we have made impromptu arrangements to go out for dinner tomorrow night. But now, with a moment of reflection, I realize that I've been pregnant for 16 out of our 24 months married. No need to elaborate, right?


I know that we are just starting out. And we have two beautiful children and the rest of our lives to grow together with them. We are so proud to be parents but I have to admit, I'm glad we can now finally enjoy just being married to each other. I wonder how the next 50 years will turn out?

A Mom First

I started my new job last week. It makes absolutely no difference what the job is, I like it fine. It happens to be exactly what I went to college for, so I'm sure my parents are glad all their hard earned money didn't go to waste. Anyways, we now have a nanny. It was her first week too and I initially told her that she'd be taking Peewee to her 10am doctor appointment today. Then, after a little thought, since it would be Peewee's first shots ever, I made arrangements for me to be the one to take her instead.

By the end of it all I don't know who cried more, me or Peewee. For those of you who don't yet have children, vaccination day is horrible. They stick a huge needle into your tiny little baby over and over again. So, I had to get to work but I was a disaster and Peewee was screaming like I've never heard her scream and the nurse leaves us in the room so we can compose ourselves in order to leave. I felt like I was having a nervous breakdown, which seems to happen a lot these days. I had to get a freakin' grip and get the kid home and book it to work. So I dried our tears, strapped Peewee into her car seat, put on my sunglasses and headed out into the big bad doctor's office lobby.

After calming down and working for a few hours I get a text message from the nanny asking if I could call her. My heart dropped out of my chest. Did Peewee spike a fever? seizure?? allergic reaction??! is she dead??!!! This is seriously what my mind does. So, I excuse myself out of a meeting with all the most important people at my job to make a phone call outside. Now, I know that in the "job world" that was not the most appropriate career move, to walk out of a meeting with no explanation. Especially on my 7th day of work, right? Nothing else mattered in that moment though. I didn't even think twice, I had to call the nanny.

Everything was fine, Peewee was just not a happy camper because she got stabbed 85 times that morning. I'd be pissed too. As soon as I could, I raced home. On my way, I realized no matter how much I wanted this job, no matter how much I needed this job, I was still - now and forever, a Mom first.

Changing the Tag Line

Last Thursday I got a phone call from a recruiter with a job opportunity. It was totally random, out of the blue, and since I've been looking for a whole year now, I wasn't too hopeful but I said sure, submit my resume. A few hours later I got a call back about a phone interview for later that afternoon. I was thrilled. I managed to take the phone call without having a baby crying in the background. Actually, I believe the Fresh Beat Band was singing instead. Which is a victory in my eyes. Anyways, it went well and we set up a meeting for Monday. I couldn't believe it. It was like all my prayers were being answered finally. A chance at a real full time job that did not involve poop. Okay, so now I need a babysitter. I called around and it was stressful, but I figured it out eventually.

I guess it wasn't the most fun weekend with the kids because I started getting easily irritated by the time Sunday rolled around. I managed to hold it together though with the prospect of a job looming. Monday's meeting went well and I waited by the phone to hear about the job. Tuesday went by, and no call. I was discouraged but I survived, with the help of a vodka tonic at exactly 5:01pm. It's not even that Tuesday was that difficult either. Peewee slept a lot that day, Bubu wasn't too terrible but for some reason I started cracking under the pressure of nothing.

I woke up Wednesday chanting my mantra for the day of "Snap out of it Debbie Downer, and plan some playdates." So I got on the computer and tried to be productive. Then, miraculously, I got a call from the recruiter and scheduled a second interview for 3pm that day. Sounds like I'd be super excited, right? But I wasn't. I was stressed out because I had to find a babysitter, and fast. I was trying to make calls and well, I'm not sure what happened next, but one poopy diaper later and a runny nose wiping struggle ended in me yelling at Bubu at the top of my lungs. I even threw a crumbled up napkin at him. Peewee and Bubu both started wailing in unison. I strapped Bubu in his high chair and proceeded to lock myself in my bathroom. Long story short, I had a massive meltdown and my husband had to come home from work to get me out of the hole I was in. The kids are fine by the way. I guess the question is, am I fine?

The good news is that I made it to my interview at 3pm and I got the job. I wonder if that will totally fix everything. Was I just having a bad day? A bad week perhaps? Anyhow, therefore I am changing the tag line of this blog to "Stay at Home Mom, Who Finally Got a Job"