The Train Wreck

Every year for Christmas we drive up to Lake Tahoe, CA where my en-laws have a vacation home with five bedrooms, fully equipped with cribs, pac-n-plays, bouncy chairs, bunk beds, etc. so all of us kids and our families can get together. It's a beautiful house and I'm pretty sure we all feel lucky to have this tradition.

A few years ago, all of us brothers and sisters would go out to dinner, have a few drinks, maybe even gamble at the NV state line for a bit, it was fun. Now, we all have kids. There's actually six kids age 3 and under right now. This year for Christmas, it was like we were running a daycare. The first morning we were there, we had plans to go to a 'Breakfast with Santa' event. Sounds exciting! Right? We packed up the kids, diaper bags, cameras, and headed out. We had a nice breakfast, changed a big poopy diaper, and listened to some carolers sing as we waited for Santa to show up.

Santa must have been running late because it was 30 minutes later that we all got in line which was an eternity in toddler time. The fireplace was blazing with absolutely NO safety gate and it was about 105 degrees in the room, but Santa was handing out gifts so we waited in line to see him. Why do we do this crap? Is it for the photo to email to my parents? I mean, the 3 year old was fine, she gets it. But my kids, almost 2 years old and 6 months old, were just tired, and perhaps miserable. I, personally, was sweating profusely waiting for these other kids to hurry up and get their gifts and photos taken so I could throw my kids up there and get out as quickly as possible. Bubu refused to sit on Santa's lap so I had to sit next to Santa with him, Peewee was miraculously fine with the bearded stranger, and we made it with a couple decent pictures.

Christmas morning was fun yet oddly stressful. The kids opened presents and we tried to keep track of who got what so we could hopefully safely get the presents home somewhat intact. Some of the toys were definitely the "winners" and so every child wanted to play with those and I'll just say, we are all still learning what the word "share" means. Maybe it was the fact that my watch battery died so I had no clue what time it was for days that made it tough for me. I actually forgot to give Bubu lunch one day because I just didn't know what time it was. Maybe it was tough because after a full day of chocolate, candy canes, and goldfish, Bubu had a tummy ache all the next day and I had to hold him for 5 hours straight. Did I mention he's got to be over 30 lbs now? He is. And for some odd reason, Peewee did not want to be held by anyone except mommy or daddy. So basically, I showered once in 3 days.

Regardless of all the constant commotion, we had a good time and the kids all had a pleasant experience that they may not remember. And we will all do it again next year. So yes, it was a train wreck, but with no casualties.

The Working Mom Analysis

A few months ago, I had a massive meltdown and it felt like just in the nick of time, I happened to find a job. Remember that? I do. Pretty vividly actually. And I'm pretty sure my husband and mother-in-law do too. So anyways, just to give you an update, I got called about another opportunity that seemed better all around and I recently accepted the new offer and switched jobs Dec. 1st. Over the past 4 or 5 months I've realized what it's really like to be a working mom. And it's taken awhile, but I finally feel like I can discuss it.

There are some mornings when Bubu cries hysterically because I'm leaving for work. It is truly heartbreaking and it makes me question leaving him. But then I leave and ask the nanny if he was okay after I left and she always says that as soon as I leave, he's totally fine. I wonder if I'll ever get over it, or when will he get over it, and when will Peewee start doing it? Eek. I have years of separation anxiety in front of me, so I guess that's a con.

But then I drive to work, I get my Starbucks and I don't have a double stroller with me. Did you know that it's a much quicker stop without the double stroller?? It is. I listen to the news instead of cartoons on the DVD player, and every other day I call my mom without interruption to let her know that Bubu and Peewee are fine. And I have to admit it, I like to work. I like accomplishing my work stuff. And I like contributing to our household income.

Then I come home. I cherish my time with the kids when I get home, and I'm so excited to see them. I try to cram in all the playtime I can, they help me fix dinner, we get ready for bedtime, and 9 times out of 10, it's a good time. Okay 8 times out of 10 it's a good time. And by 7:30pm I'm ready for them to go to bed.

I wonder, do they miss me all day? Are they somehow negatively impacted because I'm not the one caring for them 5 days a week? The nanny seems to be great so far, but I know it's not as good as I would do with my own kids, right? She cleans up the house every day though, which is awesome. But I wonder, will Peewee turn out okay? Will my kids appreciate the fact that we are working to provide for them?

In addition to my job, I also have the task of cooking, shopping, paying all the bills, oh and don't forget the all important, Target trips on my lunch break. Would it be easier if I just stayed home with the kids? Or would I start going nuts like before? I do miss the 10am playdates with my moms group so Bubu could play with other kids. I hope he doesn't turn into some anti-social loner uni-bomber kid. I guess I better find a preschool for him.

So there you have it. The pros and cons, the good and bad. Of course, we've all heard this one, that one way is not better than the other. Each of us choose what's right for us individually, right? I guess the true analysis will be many, many years from now when I ask Bubu and Peewee if they resent me for working when they were young. Maybe they'll understand, we will see...

The Christmas Card Revelations

Let me just preface by saying, I love Christmas. Aside from all the Toys R Us commercials, there's something magical about it and people are nice and I love it. I love Santa, I love the lights on people's houses, I love our fake tree.

So, it seems for weeks now, I have been working on a one person assembly line every night to complete our Christmas cards. How did the list get so freakin' long? Anyways, needless to say, I've had some time to ponder the meaning of life, dinners for the month, and scrubbing the card list for next year. So most important first, who will I cut off our list? Right now we have over 100. Seriously, let me say that again. Over 100. Which basically means I'm spending our Christmas present money on cards so me and my husband don't get jack. Do we dump our parents' friends? Do we dump the ones that don't send us a card? Do all family members make the list by default? As I mindlessly stuffed envelopes, I thought about who really appreciates getting a card from us. Hmmm, so maybe next year, we'll shoot for the 50 people who I can envision oohing and ahhhing about how the kids have grown and who stick us on their fridge for a year.

Next topic at hand, dinners every night. I know, I know it sounds dumb, but it really requires some planning and effort to keep the family fed for a week. Maybe it's a good thing that I had so many cards to get out, at least my mental grocery list is made. So once again, with too much time to over-analyze everything while addressing envelopes, I start thinking about why my assembly line consists of one person? There's actually another capable worker watching TV about 4 feet behind me. Hmmm, should I invite my husband to join in the card process? Or will that just mean I have to micro-manage another employee? Yikes. Therefore, no invitation extended this year.

As for the meaning of life, still the same as always, my two little miracles Bubu and Peewee. Merry Christmas everyone.