GuiltyMom Disease

I was driving to Peewee's 2 week doctor appointment this morning, minding my own business, talking on the cell phone to my best friend when out of nowhere I got pulled over. So let me just say, the phone was in my hand but it was on speakerphone and I was planning on shoving it in my cleavage soon but just hadn't gotten that far yet. Regardless, I was busted, with my newborn in the backseat. Ugh, does that make me a bad mother? I pull into a parking lot and the motorcycle cop walks up and says he saw me on the phone. I don't know what came over me but I reverted back to age 17 and blurted out, "but it was on speaker!" in a slightly whiny voice. The cop must have felt bad for me or thought I was just really dumb because he was nice about it and said "well, it's still in your hand even if it's on speaker." so I said "oh, ok" and reached back to pull the sun visor over Peewee to shade her from the sun, on purpose so the cop would see I had a newborn, thinking maybe that would help my cause. He asked for my license which of course had the wrong address on it from over a year ago. The cop asked of it was my correct address and I said no because we just moved here, but then he asked when...I faltered because it's been a whole frickin' year now but I stumbled a little and then said "over 9 months. Sorry." Shockingly the cop was still nice, probably because he thought I was such an idiot. He asked for my registration to see what address was on that, well when I opened the glove compartment, it was so packed full of junk I could barely pull the registration card out which had the wrong address in it too. Damn! So I explained that address was my husband's cousin where we lived for 3 weeks when we first moved here on a long drawn out explanation. At this point the cop just gave up and said it was ok and just gave me a fix it ticket for my address on my license. As he walked away, I yelled out to him "I won't talk on the phone anymore! I swear!" As I drove away, the guilt overcame me and I apologized to Peewee in tears, of course, the whole way to the dr office.

This next wound is still fresh but I'll spit it out. I hate nursing so I quit. I was pumping but I'm now trying to quit that too because I hate it. My boobs hurt and it's tough to give Bubu a hug so I gave it up. Much to everyone's disappointment. Including my own. I was so determined to breastfeed better than I did for Bubu and I failed. I thought that whatever I put my mind to I could accomplish but I was wrong.

Finally, I had an ice cream sandwich after dinner tonight. Oh the guilt. The guilt of ice cream. I've totally contracted GuiltyMom disease.