The Joys of Childbirth

Due to the graphic nature of this blog post, parental discretion is advised to all women who don't have kids yet and men. Amidst all the happy, joyful feelings of the past few days, I have to admit, there are definitely some moments that trigger non-happy, non-joyful emotions. On June 15th at 8:02am, we had a beautiful little girl via c-section.

Let me just start with the good things about the scenario: since the surgery was planned, I had my hair and makeup done for the post childbirth photos and since surgery only takes 30 minutes, I looked pretty in my picture. I think that's about it for the good stuff. Now for all the other stuff: the medicine from the anesthesia made me puke during surgery and my husband had to catch it in a little pink plastic bowl. Yes, he really loves me. I cried throughout the surgery with that ugly crying face and the nurse and my husband had to dab my tears so as not to mess up my makeup. The baby weighed 7 lbs 4 oz so I'm still carrying the other 30 lbs I gained which makes me feel so incredibly attractive. I've been wearing my hospital gown for 3 days so I'm wondering why I packed anything in my hospital bag. My husband has seen my boobs in ways that make me worry that he is scarred for life by the images. He has also seen me in these hot gauze hospital panties that are one size fits all with huge pads in them. And I've, once again, had trouble nursing which makes me feel like a total failure, again. After finally being able to shower today, he had to put a clean dressing on my staples across my lower abdomen which was not a pretty sight. My body hurts everywhere.

Has the experience brought us closer together? Or do I just feel utterly humiliated and defeated? Not sure yet but I do know that overall, this whole process is extremely miserable. I love my kids more than anything in the world so of course all this sacrifice for them is ok but it ain't easy.