Caution: Explicit Content

     5am, Tuesday, July 31st. Bubu had just climbed into bed with us which is the normal 5am routine. I cracked open my eyes and noticed a slight queasiness in my stomach. I thought it was a little constipation so I rummaged through the bathroom drawers to find some leftover Col-Ease from when Peewee was born. I popped a couple pills, chugged a bottle of water, and went back to bed since I had a good hour before I really had to get up. I figured I'd go to the bathroom one good time and all would be normal. But the tummy troubles never subsided and I found myself on the toilet repeatedly with no relief in sight. As I sat there, sweating, nauseous, I started wondering what I was going to tell my boss. I'm obviously going to be late, my parents happen to be flying into town in a few hours from across the country, and I can't get off the toilet. Do I tell him anything about the toilet? Do I tell him I have no more poop to poop and still feel bad? Ugh! No, are you crazy?! So I text that I'm having some stomach issues and I'm running a bit late.

     I somehow power through the nausea and weird pain to make it to the car, and then to Starbucks. Then, I sit on the toilet in Starbucks. No poop, just nausea. Seriously, is this what my life has turned into? I lean on the counter and order my coffee, thinking I will be fine, just power though it. I repeat to myself, I have a stomach of steel, I have a stomach of steel.

     After about 5 minutes at my desk, I concede to the illness and walk into my boss's office to confess that I am dying. I tell him I'd like to lie down under my desk for a few minutes but if that's inappropriate, I need to go home and lie down for a little bit and hopefully be back at work after I get my parents from the airport. I somehow make the drive home, sneak in without the kids and nanny seeing me, and crash for an hour.

   It's a struggle but I make it to the airport, make it back home with the rents, and out to pizza for dinner with the family. I was miserable, I couldn't eat not one bite of Round Table pizza, which is nuts. All I wanted to do was lay down in the booth. My Mom realized I wasn't feeling well, so she expedited the meal into a box and we drove home. I crashed for a few hours until my husband walked in and started asking questions. We were worried that the hernia was somehow causing this weird nausea and pain so he rushed me to the ER. What a nightmare that was. It happened to be the busiest night ever at Sutter Roseville. Every sick child, elderly person in a wheelchair, and bloody teenager was in the ER that night. We waited for 3 and half miserable hours until I couldn't make it any longer. Meanwhile, I had been using my purse as a pillow and an entire bottle of body spray spilled in my bag. The smell was overpowering and it did not help that I was nauseous in the first place. The people around me were horrified. I overheard some man say he'd been there for 7 hours and so we ended up leaving before we ever saw a doctor.

   The next day, I slept almost all day, no food, barely anything to drink, vomiting that awful stomach acid. On the phone with the doctor , they confirmed I was NOT pregnant. THAT just by itself was a large light at the end of a dark tunnel. So I thought, this will blow over and I'll be fine tomorrow. Thank goodness my parents were there entertaining the kids all day and night. I would have been so screwed if they weren't here. The next morning, I tried to make it to work. I actually was ok for an hour or two, but then felt the queasiness creeping back so rushed home to squat in front of the toilet I knew best. I made an appt to see my doctor at 3:15 pm to find out if I really was dying. After waiting for over an hour in the waiting room, I was scolded for leaving the ER without seeing the doctor. God, if they only knew. I felt so awful I could barely keep my eyes open.

   Without any true examination, it was determined I had a "bug" and needed lots of red Gatorade. Not yellow, or orange, but red or blue or purple. I puked for one more night but got plenty of red Gatorade down per my doctors orders and now it's Sunday, August 5th. I had to cancel our Saturday beach trip to Santa Cruz, our visit to the Monterrey Bay aquarium, and right now, my husband, kids and parents are out hiking by the river without me. But I have managed to eat two bites of toast and a few slices of pear today. I have survived the worst of it.

   Since I've never been sick like this before, except for being pregnant, this was scary I must admit. There is one plus side I guess, I've lost 7 lbs in 6 days. Eeesh. Just to be clear, not a recommended diet.