I'm not sure what started causing my periodic episodes of intensity but perhaps a little analysis will help me figure it out so here it goes. I happened to get done with my workday early yesterday. I know most people would be happy to get done early and get to go home, right? So it was about 3:30pm, I get home, and the nanny leaves around 4pm. Mind you, I'd been on my feet a lot that day so my back hurt, my feet hurt...I was tired. But I was glad to play with Bubu for awhile regardless. We played and then he asks for fruit snacks. I look at the clock and since it's almost dinner time I said no. Meltdown. He asks for a popsicle, I said no. Meltdown. He wants a Pacifier, I said no. Meltdown. Then, of course, Peewee starts crying. I go to pick her up and Bubu totally loses it. So I'm thinking, what weird twilight zone am I in right now? And where's a razor blade when you need one?
The nanny told me Bubu didn't really eat his breakfast or lunch and I didn't think much of it until now. I realized Bubu has been running the show and he eats 18 packets of fruit snacks per day so why eat any real food? So, I manage to survive a dinner for Bubu where he eats nothing but 2 cookies. Meanwhile, I've resolved to just ignore Peewee crying until her father gets home to take care of her.
Everyone finally went to sleep and woke up at 5am. I don't know what came over me but there was no going back to bed after the early morning feeding. I actually started writing pages of instructions for the nanny, spilling all my thoughts, ideas, rules and regulations out on my notebook for Bubu. Then, when the nanny arrived this morning, I reviewed all that I had wrote down for her. I also hid the remaining fruit snacks and expressed for about 30 minutes how much I f---ing hate fruit snacks and that I never want to see them again, I'll never buy them again, and never speak of them again.
On my way home from work today, I made sure NOT to get home early. I was that asshole driving 45 on the freeway actually. And now in retrospect, I realize I may have scared the poor girl...with my crazy fruit snack tirade.
Not to be taken seriously. Ramblings of a stay at home mom who finally got a job.
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
Wednesday, August 31, 2011
Emotional Instability Syndrome
I believe the expulsion of two human beings out of my 120 pound body, which is no longer 120 lbs, has caused me to develop Emotional Instability Syndrome. For short we'll call it NUTS. Sunday started out as a nice normal day. Then, while I was trying to watch one of our favorite TV shows, True Blood, that is way too violent and profane for us to watch while any child is awake, the housekeeper called 3 times. So I thought ok, I guess I should see what her deal is so I answered. I'm not sure if it was the fact that she talked too much in a Peruvian accent that I can't understand, or that she's over-charging me for a mediocre job, or that the baby in my arms starting crying, but I lost it and fired her and hung up on her.Oky doky.
Then yesterday I'm at work and the nanny calls me. My heart rate immediately spikes and I answer my phone. Turns out that she put the dog out in our fenced in patio, as I instructed, so she could drive the kids to the park and he was barking like usual and so our neighbor comes over and tells her not to leave the dog outside because it's animal cruelty. And no, she's not a member of PETA. So, number one, in my mind it's not animal cruelty to leave a dog outside with a bowl of water in 75 degree weather. So I tell the nanny to leave the dog outside anyways and I'll call the neighbor.
Just so you know, the neighbor happens to be a sweet little 70 year old Indian woman, Curry not Casino like me and also happens to be from the same town as my mother. Huge coincidence. She's a few years older than my mom but it's seriously like having my mom next door. She's been wonderful to us, is now friends with my mom, and babysits when ever we need an hour to go run an errand. Anyways, I call her and politely explain that I told the nanny to put the dog outside when she leaves the house so he doesn't pee on the carpet where the kids play. I also asked if it was really just that the barking was disturbing. Well, she didn't respond exactly how I imagined. She adamantly said it was animal cruelty and that we can't leave the dog outside and he barks. Great. Thanks. Allrighty then so, I said ok I'll call the nanny to go lock the dog in the 4' x 4' laundry room since that is less cruel. Fine.
I haven't disclosed this before but our dog is a biter. A little 12 lb Napoleon biting dog. He has bitten Bubu, my mother en-law, and last week, the nanny. So picking up the dog and putting him in the laundry room isn't as easy as it sounds. And I'm still paying for the ER bill for Bubu's bite. We've discussed getting rid of him but we never went through with it. Until now.
My NUTS kicked in and I called the neighbor back to let her know the dog was now barking inside and that I was going to put him to sleep tomorrow. I'll just say I was maybe a little rude and disrespectful. Okay I yelled at her. After she hung up me, I called my mother and yelled at her to call the neighbor and apologize for me yelling at her. Yes, I was in a full blown downward spiral. I called the SPCA and they said to bring the dog in. I rushed out on my lunch break, picked up the dog and drove him to the SPCA to get rid of the root cause of my stress. After filling out a 12 page form, they said they can't put him up for adoption because he's a biter and that they just put him to sleep in a few days. I started crying in their office and took the dog back home. I don't know if I was sad about killing the dog or that I had no solution to my problem.
I'm currently dealing with my life better today but I've had 2 glasses of sauvignon blanc so we'll see how tomorrow goes. I'm searching for a no-kill shelter in northern CA that will accept my dog that bites. My husband doesn't want to get rid of the dog. And my NUTS are killing me.
Then yesterday I'm at work and the nanny calls me. My heart rate immediately spikes and I answer my phone. Turns out that she put the dog out in our fenced in patio, as I instructed, so she could drive the kids to the park and he was barking like usual and so our neighbor comes over and tells her not to leave the dog outside because it's animal cruelty. And no, she's not a member of PETA. So, number one, in my mind it's not animal cruelty to leave a dog outside with a bowl of water in 75 degree weather. So I tell the nanny to leave the dog outside anyways and I'll call the neighbor.
Just so you know, the neighbor happens to be a sweet little 70 year old Indian woman, Curry not Casino like me and also happens to be from the same town as my mother. Huge coincidence. She's a few years older than my mom but it's seriously like having my mom next door. She's been wonderful to us, is now friends with my mom, and babysits when ever we need an hour to go run an errand. Anyways, I call her and politely explain that I told the nanny to put the dog outside when she leaves the house so he doesn't pee on the carpet where the kids play. I also asked if it was really just that the barking was disturbing. Well, she didn't respond exactly how I imagined. She adamantly said it was animal cruelty and that we can't leave the dog outside and he barks. Great. Thanks. Allrighty then so, I said ok I'll call the nanny to go lock the dog in the 4' x 4' laundry room since that is less cruel. Fine.
I haven't disclosed this before but our dog is a biter. A little 12 lb Napoleon biting dog. He has bitten Bubu, my mother en-law, and last week, the nanny. So picking up the dog and putting him in the laundry room isn't as easy as it sounds. And I'm still paying for the ER bill for Bubu's bite. We've discussed getting rid of him but we never went through with it. Until now.
My NUTS kicked in and I called the neighbor back to let her know the dog was now barking inside and that I was going to put him to sleep tomorrow. I'll just say I was maybe a little rude and disrespectful. Okay I yelled at her. After she hung up me, I called my mother and yelled at her to call the neighbor and apologize for me yelling at her. Yes, I was in a full blown downward spiral. I called the SPCA and they said to bring the dog in. I rushed out on my lunch break, picked up the dog and drove him to the SPCA to get rid of the root cause of my stress. After filling out a 12 page form, they said they can't put him up for adoption because he's a biter and that they just put him to sleep in a few days. I started crying in their office and took the dog back home. I don't know if I was sad about killing the dog or that I had no solution to my problem.
I'm currently dealing with my life better today but I've had 2 glasses of sauvignon blanc so we'll see how tomorrow goes. I'm searching for a no-kill shelter in northern CA that will accept my dog that bites. My husband doesn't want to get rid of the dog. And my NUTS are killing me.
Monday, August 29, 2011
The Anniversary Edition
So, today is my 2nd wedding anniversary. I am embarrassed to say that a phone call from my mother en law at 7:30 this morning reminded me of our joyous occasion. At the time, I was trying to trick Bubu into trading me his pacifier for a bowl of Kix and Peewee was naked on her changing table. Let me just preface this posting by saying how much I love my husband. More than I could ever put into words. I knew the date was coming up, but I guess with the new job, juggling training the nanny, firing the housekeeper, paying the bills, being a mom...it slipped my mind. Don't worry, I got a card on the way home from work tonight and we have made impromptu arrangements to go out for dinner tomorrow night. But now, with a moment of reflection, I realize that I've been pregnant for 16 out of our 24 months married. No need to elaborate, right?
I know that we are just starting out. And we have two beautiful children and the rest of our lives to grow together with them. We are so proud to be parents but I have to admit, I'm glad we can now finally enjoy just being married to each other. I wonder how the next 50 years will turn out?
I know that we are just starting out. And we have two beautiful children and the rest of our lives to grow together with them. We are so proud to be parents but I have to admit, I'm glad we can now finally enjoy just being married to each other. I wonder how the next 50 years will turn out?
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
A Mom First
I started my new job last week. It makes absolutely no difference what the job is, I like it fine. It happens to be exactly what I went to college for, so I'm sure my parents are glad all their hard earned money didn't go to waste. Anyways, we now have a nanny. It was her first week too and I initially told her that she'd be taking Peewee to her 10am doctor appointment today. Then, after a little thought, since it would be Peewee's first shots ever, I made arrangements for me to be the one to take her instead.
By the end of it all I don't know who cried more, me or Peewee. For those of you who don't yet have children, vaccination day is horrible. They stick a huge needle into your tiny little baby over and over again. So, I had to get to work but I was a disaster and Peewee was screaming like I've never heard her scream and the nurse leaves us in the room so we can compose ourselves in order to leave. I felt like I was having a nervous breakdown, which seems to happen a lot these days. I had to get a freakin' grip and get the kid home and book it to work. So I dried our tears, strapped Peewee into her car seat, put on my sunglasses and headed out into the big bad doctor's office lobby.
After calming down and working for a few hours I get a text message from the nanny asking if I could call her. My heart dropped out of my chest. Did Peewee spike a fever? seizure?? allergic reaction??! is she dead??!!! This is seriously what my mind does. So, I excuse myself out of a meeting with all the most important people at my job to make a phone call outside. Now, I know that in the "job world" that was not the most appropriate career move, to walk out of a meeting with no explanation. Especially on my 7th day of work, right? Nothing else mattered in that moment though. I didn't even think twice, I had to call the nanny.
Everything was fine, Peewee was just not a happy camper because she got stabbed 85 times that morning. I'd be pissed too. As soon as I could, I raced home. On my way, I realized no matter how much I wanted this job, no matter how much I needed this job, I was still - now and forever, a Mom first.
By the end of it all I don't know who cried more, me or Peewee. For those of you who don't yet have children, vaccination day is horrible. They stick a huge needle into your tiny little baby over and over again. So, I had to get to work but I was a disaster and Peewee was screaming like I've never heard her scream and the nurse leaves us in the room so we can compose ourselves in order to leave. I felt like I was having a nervous breakdown, which seems to happen a lot these days. I had to get a freakin' grip and get the kid home and book it to work. So I dried our tears, strapped Peewee into her car seat, put on my sunglasses and headed out into the big bad doctor's office lobby.
After calming down and working for a few hours I get a text message from the nanny asking if I could call her. My heart dropped out of my chest. Did Peewee spike a fever? seizure?? allergic reaction??! is she dead??!!! This is seriously what my mind does. So, I excuse myself out of a meeting with all the most important people at my job to make a phone call outside. Now, I know that in the "job world" that was not the most appropriate career move, to walk out of a meeting with no explanation. Especially on my 7th day of work, right? Nothing else mattered in that moment though. I didn't even think twice, I had to call the nanny.
Everything was fine, Peewee was just not a happy camper because she got stabbed 85 times that morning. I'd be pissed too. As soon as I could, I raced home. On my way, I realized no matter how much I wanted this job, no matter how much I needed this job, I was still - now and forever, a Mom first.
Thursday, August 4, 2011
Changing the Tag Line
Last Thursday I got a phone call from a recruiter with a job opportunity. It was totally random, out of the blue, and since I've been looking for a whole year now, I wasn't too hopeful but I said sure, submit my resume. A few hours later I got a call back about a phone interview for later that afternoon. I was thrilled. I managed to take the phone call without having a baby crying in the background. Actually, I believe the Fresh Beat Band was singing instead. Which is a victory in my eyes. Anyways, it went well and we set up a meeting for Monday. I couldn't believe it. It was like all my prayers were being answered finally. A chance at a real full time job that did not involve poop. Okay, so now I need a babysitter. I called around and it was stressful, but I figured it out eventually.
I guess it wasn't the most fun weekend with the kids because I started getting easily irritated by the time Sunday rolled around. I managed to hold it together though with the prospect of a job looming. Monday's meeting went well and I waited by the phone to hear about the job. Tuesday went by, and no call. I was discouraged but I survived, with the help of a vodka tonic at exactly 5:01pm. It's not even that Tuesday was that difficult either. Peewee slept a lot that day, Bubu wasn't too terrible but for some reason I started cracking under the pressure of nothing.
I woke up Wednesday chanting my mantra for the day of "Snap out of it Debbie Downer, and plan some playdates." So I got on the computer and tried to be productive. Then, miraculously, I got a call from the recruiter and scheduled a second interview for 3pm that day. Sounds like I'd be super excited, right? But I wasn't. I was stressed out because I had to find a babysitter, and fast. I was trying to make calls and well, I'm not sure what happened next, but one poopy diaper later and a runny nose wiping struggle ended in me yelling at Bubu at the top of my lungs. I even threw a crumbled up napkin at him. Peewee and Bubu both started wailing in unison. I strapped Bubu in his high chair and proceeded to lock myself in my bathroom. Long story short, I had a massive meltdown and my husband had to come home from work to get me out of the hole I was in. The kids are fine by the way. I guess the question is, am I fine?
The good news is that I made it to my interview at 3pm and I got the job. I wonder if that will totally fix everything. Was I just having a bad day? A bad week perhaps? Anyhow, therefore I am changing the tag line of this blog to "Stay at Home Mom, Who Finally Got a Job"
I guess it wasn't the most fun weekend with the kids because I started getting easily irritated by the time Sunday rolled around. I managed to hold it together though with the prospect of a job looming. Monday's meeting went well and I waited by the phone to hear about the job. Tuesday went by, and no call. I was discouraged but I survived, with the help of a vodka tonic at exactly 5:01pm. It's not even that Tuesday was that difficult either. Peewee slept a lot that day, Bubu wasn't too terrible but for some reason I started cracking under the pressure of nothing.
I woke up Wednesday chanting my mantra for the day of "Snap out of it Debbie Downer, and plan some playdates." So I got on the computer and tried to be productive. Then, miraculously, I got a call from the recruiter and scheduled a second interview for 3pm that day. Sounds like I'd be super excited, right? But I wasn't. I was stressed out because I had to find a babysitter, and fast. I was trying to make calls and well, I'm not sure what happened next, but one poopy diaper later and a runny nose wiping struggle ended in me yelling at Bubu at the top of my lungs. I even threw a crumbled up napkin at him. Peewee and Bubu both started wailing in unison. I strapped Bubu in his high chair and proceeded to lock myself in my bathroom. Long story short, I had a massive meltdown and my husband had to come home from work to get me out of the hole I was in. The kids are fine by the way. I guess the question is, am I fine?
The good news is that I made it to my interview at 3pm and I got the job. I wonder if that will totally fix everything. Was I just having a bad day? A bad week perhaps? Anyhow, therefore I am changing the tag line of this blog to "Stay at Home Mom, Who Finally Got a Job"
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
Top 10 List
One newborn, five weeks, and three meltdowns later, I find myself reflecting on what I've learned thus far. I actually don't know if it's 10 things but "Top 7 List" just didn't seem to work. Anyhow, here it goes:
10. No matter what your parents say to you, do not respond by saying "duh" especially if you're above age thirty.
9. Some days are for house cleaning, and some days are for seeing how trashed your house can get in one day.
8. Showers are optional.
7. The 2:30am feeding is not so bad, but the 5am feeding really blows.
6. Just go ahead and emotionally prepare for your mom to remind you to take your daily vitamin everyday for the rest of your life.
5. If you don't already have one, find a hobby that is equal to any hobby your husband has, especially if his hobby is golf.
4. Scrapbooking is fun.
3. You can have a family pajama day on a Tuesday and everyone lives.
2. Coffee is a food group.
1. And finally, words are like toothpaste, you can't put them back in the tube.
10. No matter what your parents say to you, do not respond by saying "duh" especially if you're above age thirty.
9. Some days are for house cleaning, and some days are for seeing how trashed your house can get in one day.
8. Showers are optional.
7. The 2:30am feeding is not so bad, but the 5am feeding really blows.
6. Just go ahead and emotionally prepare for your mom to remind you to take your daily vitamin everyday for the rest of your life.
5. If you don't already have one, find a hobby that is equal to any hobby your husband has, especially if his hobby is golf.
4. Scrapbooking is fun.
3. You can have a family pajama day on a Tuesday and everyone lives.
2. Coffee is a food group.
1. And finally, words are like toothpaste, you can't put them back in the tube.
Friday, July 8, 2011
On Suicide Watch
Let me just preface this post by saying you do not need to call 911, I am not really going to kill myself, I just happen to be a tiny bit dramatic. Okay, maybe slightly dramatic. Okay, extremely dramatic.There, I said it.
So Peewee is 3 weeks old now and I must admit, there are certain things that are easier with baby number two and certain things that are more difficult. Well, not difficult but 'new'. For example, there's this infection in the mouth called thrush that is pretty common in babies where the inside of the mouth looks white. Every newborn-how-to book talks about this but since Bubu's tongue never looked white, I always skipped that chapter. Well, Peewee's tongue is white. I noticed it just days after getting home from the hospital so I mentioned it to the doctor at our appointment and she gave me a prescription to fix it. No big deal it seemed. I went to the pharmacy, got the bottle of medicine and the guy at the counter, presumably a pharmacist, said this could cause a little diarrhea. So I looked at the bottle, asked for a dropper and that was it, I left.
For the whole week, my husband, mom, and I have been administering 1mL of this stuff to Peewee every 6 hours and forcing her swallow it and then washing it down immediately with milk because we figured it tasted bad. After eight days, I noticed that her tongue was still freaking white! So I start googling of course and discover that this medicine seems to be topical...which means it should just be squirted on her tongue and left there. I literally started sweating when I read the words. I think my face got hot too. I called our pediatrician and found out that yes, you're supposed to just squirt it in her mouth AFTER she eats on the infected areas so you don't wash it all away. That is when my suicide watch began. I have been shoveling this stupid liquid down my baby's throat for eight frickin' days for nothing. Probably causing her tummy to hurt. I immediately blamed the pharmacist for not giving me better instructions, then I blamed the doctor for not giving me ANY instructions, but when it all sank in, the truth was that I didn't read the papers I got with the bottle. I just threw them away like they were just ugly wrapping paper for the medicine. I cannot express how bad I felt in that particular moment. I had no one to blame but myself. Damnit! I hate hate hate when I do stupid stuff like this!!!
Fast forward to today, I have correctly administered Peewee's meds for two days now and her tongue already is better. I guess that means I'm no longer on suicide watch. Whew!
So Peewee is 3 weeks old now and I must admit, there are certain things that are easier with baby number two and certain things that are more difficult. Well, not difficult but 'new'. For example, there's this infection in the mouth called thrush that is pretty common in babies where the inside of the mouth looks white. Every newborn-how-to book talks about this but since Bubu's tongue never looked white, I always skipped that chapter. Well, Peewee's tongue is white. I noticed it just days after getting home from the hospital so I mentioned it to the doctor at our appointment and she gave me a prescription to fix it. No big deal it seemed. I went to the pharmacy, got the bottle of medicine and the guy at the counter, presumably a pharmacist, said this could cause a little diarrhea. So I looked at the bottle, asked for a dropper and that was it, I left.
For the whole week, my husband, mom, and I have been administering 1mL of this stuff to Peewee every 6 hours and forcing her swallow it and then washing it down immediately with milk because we figured it tasted bad. After eight days, I noticed that her tongue was still freaking white! So I start googling of course and discover that this medicine seems to be topical...which means it should just be squirted on her tongue and left there. I literally started sweating when I read the words. I think my face got hot too. I called our pediatrician and found out that yes, you're supposed to just squirt it in her mouth AFTER she eats on the infected areas so you don't wash it all away. That is when my suicide watch began. I have been shoveling this stupid liquid down my baby's throat for eight frickin' days for nothing. Probably causing her tummy to hurt. I immediately blamed the pharmacist for not giving me better instructions, then I blamed the doctor for not giving me ANY instructions, but when it all sank in, the truth was that I didn't read the papers I got with the bottle. I just threw them away like they were just ugly wrapping paper for the medicine. I cannot express how bad I felt in that particular moment. I had no one to blame but myself. Damnit! I hate hate hate when I do stupid stuff like this!!!
Fast forward to today, I have correctly administered Peewee's meds for two days now and her tongue already is better. I guess that means I'm no longer on suicide watch. Whew!
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